


The End Where I Begin

by protectpeterparker



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain Marvel (2019) Spoilers, Don't read if you haven't watched Captain Marvel or any of the endgame trailers, I'm really sorry, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve is sad, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, everyone is broken
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-12-25 22:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18270728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectpeterparker/pseuds/protectpeterparker
Summary: Five years ago Steve Rogers watched the love of his life turn to a pile of ashes, leaving him broken and confused. Ever since that day in Wakanda, Steve and the rest of the remaining Avengers have watched the world fall apart, day by day.~ On hiatus ~





	1. Lonely World

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time actually trying to write a fan fiction, so I’m sorry in advance. Also according to everything I’ve read and what the Russo Brothers have been saying it’s been five years since the events of Infinity War, so this is set five years later.
> 
>  
> 
> The title comes from the song The End Where I Begin by The Script. I'll try to update as much as possible, but this is just something I'm trying out to help with my writers block, and so I can improve my writing.
> 
> Also, the chapter title comes from the song Lonely World by Bryan Greenberg

It was as if all the air in Steve’s lungs had suddenly vanished, yet somehow he was still alive. Through all of this Steve’s heart was still beating, even though he felt like he was dead.

According to Natasha it’d been five years since it all went down. Meaning it had been five long, dreadful years since Steve watched the love of his life turn to dust, and every day he relives the memory. He was beginning to think that it’d just be best if he wrote an autobiography titled, _All the Times I Watched the World Crash & Burn, Taking Bucky With It._

Those five years had felt like thousands, and it kept getting worse. Things were no longer looking up for the Avengers. The snap, Tony Stark was god knows where, Fury was gone, and on top of that Fury’s pager had stopped working, which left the remaining Avengers face to face with a very furious blonde woman, wearing some space suit and asking for the agent.

“Who’s asking?” Natasha questioned, while looking at the woman. 

“I’m the one who gave Agent Fury that pager. I’m honestly shocked the signal took so long to reach. I set it up so he could reach me at light speed, no matter what galaxy I was in.” The lady stated. 

Steve glared at her, “You didn’t answer Nat’s question.” 

The lady rolled her eyes, “Carol Danvers, or Captain Marvel. Now, can someone please tell me where Fury is.” 

“He’s dust.” Rhodey replied, “Just like everyone else who didn’t survive.” 

“Dust?” Carol asked. 

Natasha sighed, “I think it’s best I sit you down, and explain everything from the beginning.”

Carol nodded and followed Nat down a corridor in the facility. With that Rhodey went off to find Bruce, leaving Steve alone. 

Steve sighed and glanced back at the pager. That was the one thing giving him hope, and when some woman showed up in a suit that looked like it had come straight out of the 90’s, Steve felt defeated. He didn’t want to believe it, but he finally came to terms that Thanos had beaten them, the Avengers were officially nothing.

With one last glance at Fury’s device, Steve made his way to where Bruce and Rhodey had been watching the numbers rise. The numbers of lives lost, the numbers of lives missing, the numbers of god knows what. 

It was all a big mess, and the super soldier wanted it to end. All he wanted was to feel Bucky’s warm embrace, to hold the man at night, to talk about anything and everything with him. The two had planned to move back to the city one day, if all the charges from the Germany aftermath were dropped. Bucky wanted to live in the facility with the other Avengers, and look more into the daily lives of them. Steve thought he was a dumbass for wanting that, especially after everything that went down with Tony. 

Steve stepped inside the room and looked around. Now the racoon from Wakanda was standing with Bruce and Rhodey, watching the numbers continue to grow with his ears back.  
“So, any news?” Steve asked. 

Bruce shook his head, “None. God, I wish I knew where Tony was. He would know what to do.” 

“Yeah, so would Shuri,” Steve paused, “And Bucky.” 

Rocket glanced over at Steve with sad eyes, “So the cyborg was really your boyfriend, huh?” 

Steve nodded, “Yeah, since we were sixteen. He was there for me through everything, and he loved me before I was the biggest guy in Brooklyn.” 

“Damn, who would’ve thought. Two guys who were around hundred years old had been screwing around.” Rocket muttered. 

Steve felt tears well up in his eyes at the raccoons comment. It seemed that he’d done a lot of crying in the last five years. Sometimes the man was surprised to find out he could still cry. 

“Hey Steve.” Bruce spoke, pulling the man out of a trance.

“What’s up?” Steve asked, his voicing cracking. 

Bruce gave him a sad smile, “Do you think you could help Rhodey and I with something?” 

Steve just nodded and made his way towards the two. 

“Oh, no not here.” Bruce stated, “I mean, if you want you could help us here, but I was wondering if you could actually go into my room and grab something for me.” 

“Yeah, I could.” Steve muttered. 

“Okay, listen carefully. There’s an old phone in there. A flip-” Bruce stopped talking and looked at Steve as the man groaned. 

“You mean the one I sent to Tony?” Steve questioned, “You still have that thing?”

“Listen, it sounds crazy, but it could help us. So please, could you get it for me?” Bruce smiled, and with that Steve was off. He headed towards the scientists’ room, letting the tears finally flow.


	2. Crash Sounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thank you to everyone who's reading my work. It means a lot. Second, I plan to update on Thursday's and Saturday's, but if it changes I'll make sure to add a note about it.
> 
> Edit: So I wrote this chapter at two in the morning and was honestly not proud of the way it ended, so I've updated it. I hope it's better.
> 
> The chapter title is the song Crash Sounds by Blackpool Lights.

Time had passed since Carol had snuck into the remaining Avengers lives, and it was only getting worse from there. Suddenly bad days were more normal than necessary, especially for Steve Rogers. Today was one of those days and all Steve wanted was to curl up in a ball and cry. It had all started the night before when Steve was talking to Natasha about trying to find a way to end the nightmare they were living. 

“It’s all going to stay the same Steve. The numbers will keep rising while Bruce and Rhodey continue searching for ways to end this. Nothing’s going to change. So I’m begging you to get some sleep, Bucky would want you to do so.” Natasha had explained with annoyance and anger seeping through her words.

Steve just went along with what she said, and headed towards his room. After stripping down to nothing, he climbed in bed, bawled his eyes out for about an hour, then fell into a dreamless sleep. Then the nightmare came, causing him to wake up screaming for Bucky.

Now Steve was sitting in a chair quietly, sipping on a cup of coffee, and glancing up at the surveillance cameras, while Natasha gave him sympathetic looks. No words were exchanged, they just sat there.

“Steve,” Natasha spoke after an eternity of silence, “We have to talk.”

“About what?” Steve asked.

“About everything. About before Thanos, about during Thanos, about after Thanos. It’s been five years, and the only thing that’s changed since then is you’ve started to clean up a bit, instead of looking like a confused homeless man.”

Steve glanced at his friend, “What do you want me to say? The love of my life turned to dust right in front of me. My heart was torn into a million little pieces and there’s no way it can be fixed. I lost everything I’ve ever loved for what felt like the hundredth time, all because of some fucking purple bitch.”

“Maybe you should get some help. Not everyone in the world turned to dust Steve, and you know that.”

“No one will understand. They won’t understand what it's like to lose the one they love not once, but three times, hell if you count Bucky going back into cryo to fix everything, then that makes it four times. I lost everything back in the second world war, and that’s why I crashed the hydra plane. Then, I somehow survived and was left with no one.

“I was lost Natasha! I was on my own with no one who had the same life experience as me, then Bucky showed up again and things got better after we were able to fix him. He was finally the same guy who made me feel like a sixteen year old kid from Brooklyn again! He was better, and we were getting another chance. A chance were we didn’t have to hide who we were from the world, because people accepted us. Then Thanos had to come and take it all.” Steve finished with tears rolling down his cheeks.

Natasha glanced over at the man, but kept silent. She decided it'd be best to just continue watching the survaliance cameras and messing around with some stuff in front of her, hoping to find something that could help. So she watched and scrolled, but still there was nothing. Nothing that could help any of them, nothing but messages from before the war, and an old van outside the front door. 

"Wait, what the fuck." Natasha muttered, suddenly registering that there was survalince footage of an unknown vehicle.

Steve wiped his eyes, before looking up at the screen in front of him.

“Hi, uh is anyone home?” Someone cried out at the camera, “This is Scott Lang. We met a few years ago, at the airport in Germany!”

Steve placed his hands on the arms of his chair and slowly stood up, looking curiously at the video footage.

“I got really big!” 

“Is this an old message?” Steve asked, as Natasha carefully got up from her chair.

“Ant-man… Ant-man, I know you know that!”

“That’s the front door.” The woman muttered.

“That’s me, can you buzz me in?” Scott asked, while pointing towards the door.

Without a second thought, Steve rushed towards the door, Natasha quickly following behind him.

“Steve, how do we know it’s actually Scott?” She questioned.

The man stopped and groaned, “I don’t know Nat. I don’t know and I really don’t care. I just need to know that someone else is out there, so I’m bringing the guy inside.”

Natasha sighed, and just followed behind Steve. When the two reached the front door, Steve yanked it open and found Scott Lang standing there with a big grin, and tired eyes. Natasha looked shocked, while the other Avenger just looked grateful.

“Scott, I’m so glad you’re here.” Steve growled, while grabbing the other man’s arm and forcefully pulling him inside.

“What the hell, how did you.” Natasha stopped herself, looking at Scott with wide eyes.

Scott sighed, “Quantum Realm.”

“I don’t know what that means, so we’re going to bring you to Bruce. You’re going to have to explain everything to him.” Natasha replied.

The man just nodded and followed the former assassin as she made her way toward Bruce and Rhodey. Steve followed behind the two at a fast pace, making sure they didn't leave his sight. Maybe Scott knew something they didn’t, maybe he knew were Bucky was. Hell, maybe Scott would be able to get Bucky and bring him back to Steve. It was a far stretch, but it was worth asking.  

 

....

 

It had been about an hour since Scott had arrived, and now Steve and the rest of the avengers were sat at a table that was once used for meetings.

At the head of the table was Scott, telling the group what had happened with him after Germany. The man explained how he ended up on house arrest for two years, which somehow he freed himself from three days before thanks to Hope and Hank Pym. From there Scott saved Hank’s wife, Janet, from the quantum realm.

After saving Janet, Scott ended up helping the family with quantum realm technology. Before the snap he had gone into said realm in hope of finding something.

“So, what happened after you were inside the quantum realm?” Bruce asked.

Scott sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I remember telling Hope, Hank, and Janet that I was safe. They said something to me, and then I responded. When they began to reply though the connection seemed to get lost, then next thing I knew it was all static on the other end. I don't even know how I got out, I just did.

“After I got out though I went searching for them, because I just assumed they thought I had died. Then I saw the missing posters for them and others. Houses were worn down and San Francisco didn’t look like San Francisco.”

“Why didn’t you just stay there?” Steve questioned angirly, “You really think we were going to be able to help you?”

"Well, I assumed if anyone knew what was going on it'd be you guys. I mean, you are the Avengers." Scott replied. 

Bruce sighed, "Were the Avengers."

What do you mean were?" Scott asked.

"Without Tony I wouldn't really considered us the Avengers." Bruce stated with a sad look on his face. 

"Or without Fury." Natasha added. 

Steve rolled his eyes, "I don't really know what we need Tony for, but yeah Bruce and Natasha are right. Without Tony or Fury we're not really the Avengers." 

"So, where's this Tony guy anyways?" Carol asked, while standing up from her chair. 

"None of us know. He went off with this guy named Doctor Strange five years ago, right when Thanos came. Pretty sure they ended up in space and headed straight to Thanos." Bruce explained. 

Rocket suddenly groaned, resting his forehead on the table. 

"What is it Rabbit?" Thor questioned, while looking at the hairy mammal.

"Well Thor, if this Tony guy was heading to Thanos that means one thing. He was heading to Titan, which is exactly where my guys were heading." Rocket replied. 

"I thought Titan was destroyed years ago, why would they go there?" Carol spoke.

"I don't know, maybe so Gamora could get her revenge. I know Peter was willing too kill the bastard for her." the racoon said. 

"Who the hell is Peter?" Steve asked, "You're not talking about that Parker kid from Queens are you?" 

"Damn Cap, I'm talking about my guy, Peter Quill. Seems like you've been living under a rock for the last five years, or should I say iceburg." Rocket chuckled. 

"Now's not the time for jokes. Peter Quill, he's the one with the sideburns, he keeps showing up on the screen." Bruce explained, "He pops up when Rocket's friend Groot does. I assume he was apart of your team, right Rocket?" 

Rocket nodded, "Yeah, he was. He was like the leader or something. Not that I really wanted him to be, but now's not the time to talk about that." 

"Well, since that's cleared up, can someone just find a way to reach Tony. I want this all to end, I'm getting sick and tired of living in a world of ashes, and I'm also sick and tired of living in a world without Bucky. Again." Steve stated.

"Steve, you know it's not that easy. Rhodey and I still have a lot of work to do." Bruce said. 

"Well, make it easy." Steve growled, before getting up from his chair and heading off towards his room. 

Both Scott and Carol watched with confusion and concern as Steve made his way out of the room. 

"Now, I know this isn't any of my buisness, but when did Cap become such an asshat?" Scott asked, while glancing between Bruce and Natasha.

Natasha sighed, "When he watched his boyfriend turn to a pile of dust five years ago." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya'll liked it. Please, leave feedback. Also, sorry for making Steve a little bitch, he gets better, I promise.


	3. Unsatisfied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my original plan was to update on certain days, but with Endgame so close I'm just going to update as much as possible. I want to actually get as many chapters as I can down before the movie, because I already have a feeling I might lose all motivation to continue after the movie.
> 
> The chapter name is from the song Unsatisfied by Nine Black Alps, because I kept playing this song when writing this chapter. 
> 
> Side note: Sorry in advance if Thor doesn't seem like Thor, because he's such a hard character to write dialogue for. I feel like he's changed so much since his first movie and the first avengers. If anyone has any tips to make Thor seem more like himself, please feel free to comment.

It had been awhile since Steve had left his room, so the day he finally came out to get something to eat left the others in shock. The man was a mess, and everyone could tell right away. When those already occupying the room gazed up from their food, it took them everything to not gasp.

“What are you guys staring at?” Steve asked, when he noticed everyone’s eyes on him.

Bruce shook his head, “Nothing, you just surprised us is all.”

“That’s one way you could put it.” Scott muttered.

Steve grunted and made his way towards the refrigerator. Maybe if he actually ate something for the first time in a week then the rest of the team would stop giving him looks.

When he opened the fridge he found it was surprisingly fully stocked. The food in front of him made his stomach rumble, but also made him want to vomit right then and there. Steve sighed, closed the refrigerator, and turned around to head back to his room.

“Where are you going?” Natasha asked, while glaring at Steve.

“Back to my room.” Steve answered.

Bruce chuckled, “No you’re not, we have to talk.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Steve snorted.

“A lot of things, like how you haven’t come out of your room in over a week.” A voice commented.

Steve spun around and let his eyes scan the room, till they fell on a familiar face. He blinked a few times, before letting out a ‘what the fuck.’ Standing just a few feet away was Clint Barton. His seemed older looking, more tired, and overall pissed.

“It’s been awhile.” Clint spoke.

The other man just nodded, still staring at Clint in a shock. Steve was positive they’d never hear from the archer after everything that went down in Germany, but now he was standing in the facility’s kitchen, as if he had been there all along.

“Wha-, when… I, can’t believe. When did you even get here?” Sputtered Steve.

“About three days ago, you’d know that though if you had actually come out when all the commotion had started.” Clint replied.

“I just assumed everyone was arguing again. That’s all we ever do now, besides if something serious had actually happened Nat would’ve come running into my room.” Steve stated.

“Steve, I don’t know what’s been going on with you for the past five years, but you have to get out of this funk. I understand you lost Bucky, and I’m sorry that happened, but you’re not the only one who lost.

“I lost everything I knew. While you guys were off on the run, I was home on house arrest. Everything was perfect, I was able to see my kids everyday, teach them things I always wanted them to know, and Laura and I’s relationship grew stronger. Then what Thor calls the snap, went down.”

Steve looked at Clint with sad eyes, “What happened?”

“Everything happened.” Clint began, “It all went down when I was in the kitchen with Laura. God, I remember it like it was yesterday, she was doing something at the table, while I was washing dishes. She had been telling me about what had was going on with the kids that day, then out of nowhere she just stopped talking.

“When I asked if she was okay, she didn’t respond. So I put down whatever I was doing and turned around. She wasn’t there, it was like she had just vanished. Then Lila and Cooper came rushing down stairs, tears streaming down their face. Cooper kept apologizing, saying he was sorry and that it wasn’t their fault.

“I started getting worried, cause Cooper never apologized or cried. That’s when shit hit the fan. Cooper was trying to explain what was going on, and then just turned to ashes. I watched my own son to turn to ashes. I didn’t have time to cry about it though, because my biggest worry was Lila.

“I remember pulling her into my arms and just holding her. To my relief nothing happened, Lila had survived the snap.”

Steve shuddered, “Clint, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.”

Clint nodded, “Yeah, me too, but it’s been five years and it’s time we fight back. If there’s anything I’ve learned from this it’s that we have to keep going. I want Lila to know that you need to keep fighting, even if everything you’ve ever loved is gone.”

“Clint’s right, we need to keep fighting. If not for us, then for the ones we loved and for the innocent.” Bruce added.

“We must seek revenge for those who were defeated by Thanos.” Thor stood from his seat, clutching Stormbreaker, “This fight will not be for us, but for them.”

Steve stared at Thor, thinking about how much the Asgardian had lost. The man had lost his father, watched his sister destroy his home, then watched not only his people, but his brother die at the hands of Thanos. Yet he was still willing to fight, even after five years.

“You’re still going to put your life on the line, even after the first time?” Steve questioned the god.

“Whatever it takes to defeat Thanos.” Thor replied.

Steve knew Clint, Bruce, and Thor were right. It had been five years and they still were moping around the facility. It was time they actually fought back.

“Okay,” Steve paused and looked at the others, “you guys are right. We need to fight for the ones we lost, and for those who lost. Five years is too long, so it's time that we turn ourselves into part of the plan. The plan that we'll use to defeat Thanos and actually bring make some form of humanity. Whatever it takes, we'll make it happen." 

Natasha looked at Steve and smiled, "Whatever it takes." 

The others nodded in agreement, muttering and adding on to what Steve had to say, making him realize it was finally time to get up and do something. The world wasn't going to wait around for them, and if they don't try and stop this now, the numbers would keep rising. To Steve that meant one thing and one thing only, they had to defeat Thanos once and for all, but they still had no way of knowing how to do exactly that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is really bad, I'm editing kind of late. I hope you enjoyed the chapter though. Like I said before if you have tips on writing Thor, please leave a comment. Thank you!


	4. I'm but a clean man, stable and alone man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mainly dialogue, but it makes sense why. Next chapter is going to be huge, so get ready.   
> Sorry if this chapter is all over the place, I tend to edit at night. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song 'I Can Feel a Hot One' by Manchester Orchestra, this song reminds me of what Steve's going through right now and I kept listening to it while writing this chapter.

Steve grunted and pushed his hair out his eyes, beads of sweat were dripping down his face and drenching his beard. In front of him were multiple punching bags, most of them destroyed. 

“You going to break those all night?” Someone asked. 

Steve looked over his shoulder to see Bruce standing there. He chuckled, “Might as well, I mean we’re supposed to be getting ready for the fight of our lives.” 

Bruce smiled, “I thought that the fight of our lives was when Loki took over New York?”

Steve rolled his eyes, “I’m not really in the mood for jokes Bruce.” 

“Well, when you’re done punching these bags I suggest coming down to the kitchen, Natasha said we’re having a family dinner that’s not bread.” stated Bruce. 

“I’ll be there soon.” Steve muttered. 

Bruce just nodded before heading out of the room. Steve sighed, grabbing the hem of his sweaty, white t-shirt and pulling it over his head. He threw it to the side and grabbed the extra shirt he had brought with him. 

After pulling the shirt over his head, Steve made his way out of the room and towards the kitchen. Everyone was standing at the island with plates, filling them to the brim with whatever Natasha had made. 

Steve walked over to Natasha, who was talking to Clint about something that had to have been funny, because the other had Nat laughing and blushing.

“Wow, who would’ve thought we had something other than bread.” Steve sarcastically muttered, while his eyes scanned the food in front of him. 

“I’d shut up and eat if I were you.” Natasha commented, “Scott and Clint are already on their second plates, and we haven’t even sat down to eat yet.” 

Steve gave the two men a concerned look, before letting his eyes fall on the food. Everything he could ever want was right in front of him, salads, pastas, multiple kinds of meat. 

“So are you just going to stare at the food, or you going to grab a plate and eat some?” Bruce questioned from the other side of the kitchen island. 

Steve looked over at the man, then turned and grabbed himself a plate from the marble countertops. He then made his way down the line of food, grabbing just a bit of everything.  When the soldier was finally satisfied with his meal, he walked towards the dining table where everyone was beginning to take their seats. Steve let his eyes scan the table for a spot, landing on the empty seat next to Rocket. He staggered up to the spot and set his plate down on the table.

“Mind if I sit here?” Steve asked, while looking down at the racoon. 

Rocket looked up at him and grinned, “Well looks like you already claimed the spot, so why don’t you take a seat cap. I promise I won’t ask about your boyfriend.” 

Steve gave Rocket a sad smile, “I could care less, it’s probably best I talk about Bucky.” 

“Well sit then.” Rocket replied. 

Steve nodded, before sitting down next to the furry mammal. 

“So,” Rocket began, “I’ve heard heard you were in a war once.” 

Steve gave Rocket a puzzled look, “We’ve been living together for over five years and you’re just now finding this out?” 

The racoon shook his head, “Nah, Thor told me about it a few years ago, but I never got around to asking ya about it.” 

Steve nodded, taking a bite of his pasta, “I served in World War II with Bucky. Technically, I was unfit to serve in the beginning but they pumped my veins with this super soldier serum and the rest is history.” 

“So you were dating the cyborg during the war?” 

Steve took a bite of his salad and nodded, “Yeah, we had been dating before that. We started dating when I was sixteen, because we feared we’d never get a chance since I was always so sick. That all changed though when Buck went off to war.

“I wanted to fight too, but not because of Bucky. I wanted to fight Nazi’s, to fight the bad guys. I guess I saw it as an honor to serve in the war. Anyways, I went to try enlist for the thousandth time, but got rejected. That’s when Erskine came to me and injected me with the super soldier serum.”   


“You're telling me you were also dating this Bucky guy before the war?” Rocket asked.

“Yeah, and during the war. That was surprisingly easier, it was almost like we didn’t have to sneak around as much, plus no one really gave me crap after I saved Bucky and his men from Hydra. 

“It was pretty easy to sneak around though. A friend of mine, Peggy, always had our back. She went as far as making sure people thought we were a thing so no one questioned Bucky and I’s relationship.” explained Steve.

“Why am I now just hearing this?” wondered Rocket, “Please tell me I’m not the only one.”

“I think you are.” Scott joined in, “I met cap back in Germany, and he could not keep his hands off  Bucky.” 

Clint laughed, “Scott man, you were such a huge Captain America nerd, how did you not know that Steve and Bucky were eating ass before then?”

Steve glared at Clint as he felt his face grow hot, “Clint, shut up. I’m trying to eat here.” 

“I’m just asking the guy a serious question. I thought it was quite obvious you and Bucky were gay. I mean, even Sharon knew.” Clint stated. 

“Didn’t you kiss Sharon?” Natasha interjected. 

Steve rolled his eyes, “We don’t talk about that. And for the record, she kissed me. I don’t know why.” 

Clint snickered, “Dude, you can’t swap spit with your deceased ex-girlfriend’s niece.” 

The soldier groaned, and let his head fall back, “I just told you, she kissed me. I wanted no part of that kiss! Also, Peggy was never really my girlfriend.”

“That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, cause it happened. Sam and Bucky told me.” 

“Oh my god Clint, that was like over ten years ago.” 

“Doesn’t matter, you still kissed some chick in front of your boyfriend, and not just any chick.” Clint stated, jabbing his fork into his steak. 

“Damn cap, you really slept around.” joked Rocket. 

“Okay, listen. I didn’t kiss Sharon, she kissed me. It was really awkward and I was extremely upset about it too. I mean, I had just gotten my boyfriend back, then Sharon decided it’d be okay to kiss me in front of him. 

“After it happened I told her I was with Bucky, and had been with him since the 1930’s. She understood and it never happened again.” Steve confessed. 

The room got quiet for a minute. Steve sighed, picked up his fork, and began eating again. Everyone followed suit, letting the room sit in an uncomfortable silence, until Clint ruined it. 

The man set his fork down and began to laugh. His head fell back, hands clutching the table in front of him, as his laughter filled the room. The others looked at him with concern, while Steve just looked annoyed. 

“Is he okay?” Carol asked. 

Natasha sighed, “Yeah, he’s just being an idiot. I bet he’s thinking about the damn kiss.” 

“I-I’m s-ss-sorry.” Clint wheezed, “It’s so fucking funny.” 

“It really isn’t.” Steve replied. 

Clint let his head fall forward, “But it is, dude you kissed Sharon!” 

Soon Rocket and Scott began to chuckle also. 

Steve frowned and let his eyes fall onto Clint, “Is it really that funny?” 

“I mean, it’s pretty funny.” Carol chimed in, “I think it’s just funny you get Bucky back, then some random girl kisses you.” 

Clint banged his fist on the table, “S-she’s right!”

“Clint, you need to calm down. It’s not as funny as you think it is.” Natasha said. 

Clint shook his head and wiped his eyes, “I’m sorry, I’ll shut up.” 

Natasha nodded, “Good, or I’ll turn off your hearing aids and you won’t be able to hear our conversations anymore.” 

“I can read lips you know.” Clint replied, still chuckling. 

Natasha rolled her eyes, “Anyways, let’s change the subject before Clint dies from laughter.”

Steve chuckled at Natasha's words, taking a bite of dinner. Natasha just glared at him. 

“Something funny?” She asked. 

Steve shook his head, “Nope.” 

“Okay then.” Natasha paused and looked in Bruce’s direction, “Bruce, I have a question for you.”

Said man looked up from his plate at Natasha, “Yes?”

“Do you guys have a lead, on anything?” Nat questioned. 

Bruce sighed, “Yes and no. That phone Tony had was useless, so I decided to program it so if I something in the atmosphere was to show up it’d ring. So far, I have nothing. 

“If I’m being honest with you, I was hoping it’d find me a way to reach To-” Bruce stopped himself and turned his head. 

“You were hoping what?” Carol spoke up. 

“That it’d reach Tony. You guys heard that right?” Bruce squinted his eyes and looked around for the noise. 

“Are you talking about that beeping?” Carol asked, while looking at the scientist. 

Bruce nodded, “Yeah, I’ve never heard it before.”

“Oh, well I heard it the other day.” Carol began, “At first I thought it had something to do with the stones, but then it looked like some signal from a ship. I assumed you knew so I didn’t say anything.” 

Bruce just stared at Carol in shock, before getting up from his spot at the table. 

“Where are you going?” asked Carol. 

“To go and check on numbers, and the phone.” Bruce stated. 

“I’m coming with.” announced Rhodey, before standing up from his chair. 

The two men rushed out of the room towards the lab. No one at the table said anything, as they continued to eat. 

Natasha and Steve looked at each other, nodding in agreement. The two got up from their spots, pushed their chairs in, and quickly followed the two men, hoping for answers. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is shit, I decided to edit this at one in the morning, and it's honestly just a boring scene with a lot of dialoge that's uncalled for, but it'll make sense later on.   
> On another note, thank you to those who continue to read my mess of a fanfiction, you mean the world to me. :) 
> 
> (P.S. Thirteen days till I see Endgame!)


	5. Operator; Well, could you help me place this call?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re going to get home, I promise.” 
> 
> “Listen, we’ve been stuck here for god knows how long, and we’re dying. Well, I’m dying. Besides, I have a feeling I’ve lost just as much on earth as I had on Titan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I have to say is, I'm really sorry. Please don't kill me after you read this chapter. I promise it's going to get better.
> 
> Also I don't know jack shit about space, and the earth's atmosphere so I'm truly sorry. I did as much research as possible. I know a lot of this wouldn't happen in the MCU, but it is a work of fiction. 
> 
> The title comes from the song 'Operator (That's Not the Way It Feels)' by Jim Croce

_“You’re going to get home, I promise.”_

_“Listen, we’ve been stuck here for god knows how long, and we’re dying. Well, I’m dying. Besides, I have a feeling I’ve lost just as much on earth as I had on Titan.”_

 

***

“This can’t be right, you’re telling me that whatever the hell that thing is on the screen is some sort of spaceship.” Steve stated.

Bruce nodded, “From what I’ve seeing this ship has been sitting in the same spot for awhile. It should've crashed back down to earth by now, but I guess it's taking it's precious time.”

“And you think it’s Tony?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah, I mean who else could it be.” Rhodey replied.

“Not Tony!” Steve cried, “Are you guys insane? If Tony was still alive he would have showed up sometime five years ago, or at least in the last five years.

“He’s probably dead, stranded on some planet with that Doctor guy, or with one of Rocket’s people. I’m positive that’s not Tony.”

The other three glared at Steve. The man had said nothing nice about Tony in almost ten years, and it seemed that wasn’t going to anytime soon. Steve didn’t want to admit it to the others that he still had some feelings for the billionaire, especially after everything that happened in Germany. So he just made sure everyone thought he was still angry with Tony, and that all that matter was Bucky. 

Natasha shook her head, “You have no faith Steve.”

“Yeah, well I lost all faith when I lost Bucky for what felt like the hundredth time.” He replied.

“We all lost people Steve, that doesn’t mean we lost faith.” Rhodey commented.

Bruce nodded in agreement, “I think it’s time we actually try. We have a lot to work with now, especially with Carol and Thor.”

“What do they have to do with this conversation?” Steve questioned angrily. 

“I’m on Steve’s side here. What’s Carol and Thor have to do with Tony and having faith. Thor’s a lot more depressed then Steve right now, and we don’t know much about Carol.” Rhodey stated.

“I usually agree with Steve when it comes to these things, but Bruce has a point. We have two of the strongest beings living in this tower, and one of them is a god.” Natasha replied.

Steve glared at the former assassin, “So you’re really trusting a depressed god and some girl who waltz her way up in here asking for Fury?”

“Steve, do you hear yourself! You would do anything if this was Bucky, so why is it any different now?” Natasha said harshly.

“Bucky and I had history.” Steve growled.

“Oh, and you and Tony didn’t?” Natasha barked, “When you didn’t have Bucky to help you pick up the pieces, Tony was there. When you felt like no one understood you, Tony was there, understanding every little detail. No matter what you went through, Tony was there. I think it’s a little selfish of you to not care about a man who sacrificed so much for you.”

Steve felt a wave of guilt crash over him. Natasha was right about Tony and Steve having history, and what happened ten years ago in Germany is meaningless now. They should be worried about whatever and whoever’s in the stratosphere.

“I hate when you’re right.” muttered Steve, “I hate when both of you are right.”

Bruce smirked, “Does this mean you’re agreeing with us now?”

“I’m going to get Carol.” Steve replied, and with that he left the room and made his way towards the kitchen.

When he got there Carol, Scott, and Rocket were the only ones there. It seemed the three outsiders were talking quietly amongst themselves. Steve decided to emerage from the shadows, trying to keep as quiet as possible. When he looked up to see three pairs of eyes on him though, he knew his cover was blown. 

“Trying to sneak up on us Rogers?” Carol asked, while giving Steve a small smile.

“I don’t want to disrupt what was going on here, but I have a favor to ask.” The man replied.

Carol nodded, “What’s up?”

“I need you to come-” Steve stopped himself and scratched his beard. How was he supposed to ask some random chick if she could follow him to Bruce’s lab, so they could ask her to head up to space and see if some random ship held Tony? Now that Steve thought about the idea, it seemed laughable.

“You need me to come?” Carol asked, while staring at Steve in confusion.

Steve shook his head, “I need you to come with me. Uh, Rhodey and Bruce want to see you.”

Carol stood from her chair, before giving Rocket and Scott a two finger salute. With that Steve led her back towards Bruce’s lab, where the others were waiting.

“So what’s this all about. Did I make Bruce ‘hulk out’ or something?” Carol giggled.

“We need your help.” Steve replied, ignoring Carol’s comment.

“Finally.” she muttered.

Steve glanced back at Carol, before opening the door to the space occupied by Natasha, Bruce, and Rhodey.

“I’ve got her.” Steve announced, making the other’s turn towards them.

Carol grinned, “So you finally need my help?”

Steve rolled his eyes at the woman’s cockiness. He was beginning to dislike Carol and her self-confidence. The soldier knew that Carol was strong, and could probably kill everyone in the facility (minus Thor) if she really wanted too, but that didn’t give her the right to act as if she owned the place. As much as Steve wanted her to shut her mouth, he knew she was their only hope in finding out what was sitting there in the stratosphere.

“So Cap, tell me what’s going on.” beamed Carol.

Steve groaned, “You should not be this excited about something heading towards earth, that’s what’s going on.”

“Awe, come on. What if it’s this Thanos guy, or worse.”

“That’s not fucking funny.” Steve grumbled.

Carol threw her hands up in defense, “Sorry, didn’t mean to piss you off. Let me start over, what’s the problem up there.”

“A ship, it’s in the stratosphere.” Steve stated.

“What?” Carol asked, her brows knitting together.

“He said there’s a ship in the stratosphere. I don’t know how, but it’s there and it’s stuck.” replied Bruce.

“Okay, the stratosphere is real close to earth. Are you guys sure it’s not somewhere in the mesosphere, because if it was in the stratosphere it’d probably crash down to earth at this point, especially if it's not moving.” Carol pointed out.

“Carol’s right. I have a feeling we’ve read the coordinates wrong.” Rhodey said.

“Fine! If you think you know so much about ships and where this one could be, then you guys can go find it yourself.” growled Steve.

“No need to randomly lash out Cap, but I thought that's why you dragged me in here.” Carol laughed, “Also, I'm a fucking pilot, don't question my knowledge about planes.”

Steve chuckled, “You’re really starting to piss me off, big time.”

“Then why’d you ask me to follow you into Bruce’s lab if all you were going to do is bitch at me?” Carol crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side.

“I knew you’d be able to get to whatever that ship thing is, but now I don’t even know if it’s worth it.” Steve replied.

“Don’t even go there Steve.” started Bruce, “It’s worth it, and you know it is. I have full faith that ship could be Tony, and if Carol can find a way to bring it back to us then that’s exactly what I want.”

“I agree with Bruce.” Natasha chimed in.

Rhodey nodded, “It was your idea to drag Carol in here Steve, you can’t change your mind now.”

Steve searched the others faces to make sure they weren’t joking, and to his surprise they seemed quite determined with the plan. After a minute he groaned, officially caving in to Bruce’s plan. Steve knew that the scientist’s idea was their best option, but it didn’t stop him from feeling uneasy about what was up there.

“So let’s say we go through with Bruce’s plan and Tony’s not on that ship, we’re screwed. We can’t take any chances.” said Steve.

“We have to take chances, we have to take all the chances we can get.” Bruce replied.

Natasha nodded, “I’m with Bruce on this one, again. We have to take chances, so we’re sending Carol up there, if you’re willing to go?”

“If it means getting this Tony guy back so we can beat Thanos, then I’m cool with it.” Carol said.

Steve glanced at Carol, before looking at the others. He cocked an eyebrow, and tilted his head towards Carol. The others just nodded, confirming that they all agreed with Steve.

“Okay, I think it’s best we go get the others and tell them what we’re up to.” With that Steve led the others to Scott and Rocket, in hopes they’d agree with Bruce’s plan.

 

***

 

_The man let out a long breath he had been holding as he placed a hand on the destroyed helmet. He let his fingers linger for a bit, then pressed the button. After tapping the helmet twice, he sat up a little._

_He sighed, “This thing on?”_

_When the helmet’s eyes glowed, the man leaned back, “Hey miss Potts, if you find this recording, don’t feel bad about this. Part of the journey is the end.”_

_He paused and closed his eyes, “Just for the record, being adrift in space with zero promise of rescue is more fun than it sounds. Food and water ran out four days ago, oxygen will run out tomorrow morning. That’ll be it.”_

_The man paused again, now scooting closer to the helmet. He leaned forward, in a hunched position, staring into the helmets eyes, before tapping it’s skull._

_“When I drift off, I will dream about you.” He looked the helmet in the eyes and sighed, “It’s always you.”_

_With that he placed his hands around the helmet in a steady grip. He let his left hand reach inside the destroyed mask, and stopped the recording. He really began to believe that this was it, one of his biggest nightmares was coming to life._

_Tony Stark was dying in space. Alone._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm truly sorry everybody, please don't be mad at me!


	6. Is Yesterday, Tomorrow, Today?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve dreams about Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dreams in italics. If this sucks then I'm sorry. I didn't proof read. 
> 
> Title is from the song Is, Yesterday, Tomorrow, Today? by Stereophonics

_ Steve gripped the shield, “He’s my friend.”  _

_ “So was I.”  _

_ Suddenly Tony was gone, and Steve was standing in Wakanda. He looked around in panic. This shouldn’t be happening, he thought. Steve was positive Thor had killed Thanos, so why didn’t it feel that way.  _

_ “Steve.”  _

_ The man turned his head and watched as Bucky, the love of his life, disintegrated to nothing but ashes. Steve closed his eyes to stop to the tears from coming. When he opened them he was ninety-something pounds again, and back in the old Brooklyn apartment he shared with Bucky.  _

_ “Bucky?” He called in confusion.  _

_ It was quiet for a minute before he heard the footsteps. Soon Bucky was in the doorway, giving Steve a small smile.  _

_ “Something wrong doll?” asked Bucky.  _

_ Steve wanted to cry. Bucky was standing in the doorway to their bedroom. Not the Bucky he knew now, but the Bucky he knew before. The Bucky who had short hair, no metal arm, and was always smiling. The Bucky who used to promise Steve one day they’d have it all, even if that meant Bucky had to go to war.  _

_ “Stevie?” Bucky spoke, pulling Steve from his thoughts.  _

_ Steve shook his head, “Sorry, I just didn’t know if you were home or not.”  _

_ Bucky grinned and made his way towards their bed.   _

_ This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Steve reached out for his boyfriend, knowing the minute he touched Bucky he’d wake up from whatever this was, but that didn’t happen.  _

_ Steve did touch Bucky, and felt everything. He felt how Bucky’s hand was warm against his own cold one. How Bucky’s fingers slowly ran through his blonde locks.  _

_ “You’re real.” Steve whispered in awe.  _

_ Bucky chuckled, “Of course I’m real you punk. You telling me you thought I wasn’t?”  _

_ “This can’t be happening.” Steve reached out and placed a hand on Bucky’s left bicep, “I fell asleep and you were dead. When I woke up though.”  _

_ “When you woke up I wasn’t?” Bucky shook his head and let out a belly laugh, “Damn Steve, what have the doctors been giving ya.”  _

_ Steve frowned, “No, I went to sleep and you were dead, and I was old- but I didn’t look old. I was big too, over six feet tall and more than two hundred pounds of muscle. You had just died for probably like the fourth time. It was so real. You had a metal arm, and long hair too. It was kinda greasy, but that’s not the point. _

_ “ The point is I fell asleep alone, and you had been gone for five years along with the other fifty percent of earth’s population. The thing is, I thought I had woken up but it was 2016 and we were fighting Tony Stark, Howard Stark’s son. Then I blinked and it was like 2018. A war was going on, but not like this war. It was a war with space, and all these people were fighting, and there was this Thanos guy trying to collect these stones, and you were there, and we weren’t old.”  _

_ Bucky smirked, “We weren’t old and we were fighting Howard Stark’s son? Sorry to break it to ya Steve, but we’d be around a hundred, and I already have a feeling Howard Stark wouldn’t be a father.”  _

_ “You gotta believe me Buck!” Steve cried, “It was all so real. You were living in a place called Wakanda. Both of us were huge, like muscular. You had gotten a new arm and it was made of this stuff called vibra-”  _

_ Steve was suddenly caught off when Bucky’s lips crashed onto his. He grunted, closed his eyes, and leaned into the kiss. This was real, he thought. Everything that had happened was just a dream. He was here, with his Bucky. He might be small again, but he could care less.  _

_ Bucky finally pulled away, causing Steve to whimper. He glanced up to see his boyfriend’s baby blue eyes peering down at him.  _

_ Steve closed his eyes, “I’m going to count to ten and open my eyes. If you’re still here when I open them I know this is real.”  _

_ “I’ll count with you.” Bucky muttered.  _

_ Steve nodded, “I’ll start. One.”  _

_ “Two.” Bucky replied.  _

_ “Three.”  _

_ “Four.”  _

_ “Five.”  _

_“Six.”_ _  
__“Seven.”_

_ “Eight.” _

_ “Nine.” _

_ “Ten.” Bucky paused, “Open your eyes Steve.”  _

_ Steve shook his head, eyes still closed.  _

_ Bucky sighed, “Come on doll, I’m still here.”  _

_ “Last time I closed them I woke up here, I’m worried I’ll open them and you’ll turn to ashes.” Steve confessed.  _

_ “Steve.” Bucky whispered, letting a hand caress his face.  _

_ Steve slowly opened his eyes to find Bucky still there, but it wasn’t his Bucky from the forties. It was present day Bucky, with long locks falling in his face, and a vibranium left arm. Steve let one of his hands graze his torso, only to find he was still the same skinny kid from Brooklyn.  _

_ Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s metal bicep, “Bucky, this is when I wake up and you’re not there.”  _

_ “It doesn’t have to be that way.” Bucky replied, as he continued to stroke Steve’s face.  _

_ Steve violently shook his head, “No, I have to wake up at some point. I don’t want to though.”  _

_ Bucky sighed, “Then wake up. Wake up Steve, for me.”  _

_ “I don’t want too. I don’t want you to leave me.” Steve cried, “Please Bucky, don’t go.”  _

_ “Steve.” Then it happened, Bucky began to turn to ashes, again. It started with the hand touching Steve’s face, then everything else went, ever so slowly.  _

_ “Please no.” Steve whispered, tears falling down his cheeks, “Not again. Please. I just wanted a second chance with him, please.”  _

_ “Steve.”  _

_ Steve tried to call Bucky’s name, but he suddenly couldn’t speak.  _

_ “Steve.” He heard again.  _

_ He tried to sit up, but his entire body felt heavy. _

“Steve.” 

Steve eyes shot open as he called out for Bucky. He looked around frantically, realizing he was in the room he used in the upstate facility. 

“I thought you were Bucky.” Steve muttered, while looking up to find Bruce standing above him. 

Bruce gave him a sad smile, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you, but we have a situation.” 

Steve pulled himself up into a sitting position, “You’re fine. Let me get a shirt on and I’ll meet you down there.” 

Steve watched as Bruce nodded and made his way out of the room. When he was positive the other man was out of earshot, he let out a long sigh and let himself fall back onto his bed. 

“You gotta fix your little problem.” Steve muttered to himself, before letting a hand slide down his torso. 


	7. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve couldn’t believe his eyes. He shook his head in disbelief, before letting out a choked sob. His knees suddenly felt weak, causing him to grab onto the closest item near him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I noted earlier I don't know if I'll continue my fanfic after Endgame, but I'm enjoying writing, so I think I will continue. If I decide not to, I plan on writing a couple pre-war and AU's. 
> 
> To those who have or who are seeing endgame soon, remember #dontspoiltheendgame. I hope everyone enjoys seeing this movie we've all waited so long for. 
> 
> Chapter title is the song Strangers by Gavin James

Steve couldn’t believe his eyes. He shook his head in disbelief, before letting out a choked sob. His knees suddenly felt weak, causing him to grab onto the closest item near him, which was Thor’s bicep.

The other man glanced at Steve, “Are you okay Steven?” 

Steve shook his head, “I’m sorry Thor, I just-” The soldier paused and began to whimper. Standing in front of him, on the lawn of the facility was a wrecked Tony Stark. The man’s facial features hadn’t changed one bit in Steve eyes, the only thing that caught him off guard was the graying hair, and the defeated look the man wore on his face. This wasn’t the same Tony Stark that fought Steve and Bucky those years ago, and this wasn’t the same Tony Stark who he had fallen for at one point in his life. 

“Holy shit!” Natasha cried, causing Steve to bring himself back to reality. 

Tony chuckled, “Who would’ve thought Romanoff would be excited to see me.” 

Nat shook her head, “Tony, we thought you were dead, and not the Steve kind of dead. I’m talking ‘gone for good, never coming back, didn’t survive the snap’ dead.” 

“Yeah, I thought I was too.” Tony paused and let out a deep sigh, “It’s been a long five years, but I’m here now, somehow.” 

Steve began to cry even harder. Something he never thought he’d be doing in front of everyone, including Tony, but here he was, crying his eyes out. 

“Steve, are you okay?” Bruce asked, turning to look at the man. 

“I-i don’t t-th-think so-o.” Steve sobbed, while trying to wipe his eyes. 

Steve clutched onto Thor tighter, causing the god to grab him by the waist. 

Tony let his eyes fall on Steve and Thor, and gave them a small, tired smile. 

“Are you like a thing now?” Tony joked, “I mean, so much shit's gone down in the last few years, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the buffest guys in the galaxy hooked up.” 

Thor chuckled, “Steven and I are just each others support, as he’s still in love with Bucky.”

“Where is Bucky?” Tony asked, looking around. 

“Dead.” Steve replied sadly, “Just like everyone else in the universe.” 

“I’m really sorry Steve, if it makes you feel any better-” Steve groaned, cutting Tony off. 

“It’s whatever, and don’t even tell me about how bad the last five years have been, it’ll only make me feel worse.” With that Steve pulled away from Thor, and dragged himself back to the facility. 

 

***

 

It had been what Steve assumed, an hour since Tony had arrived back to earth. No one had come to check on the soldier, so he had no way of knowing how the billionaire had gotten back. He assumed Bruce went with the plan of using Carol, but the man didn’t want to get up and ask. 

Steve had decided it’d be best if he just stayed in bed for the rest of the day, instead of going to ruin the lighthearted mood going around the facility. He figured the others still knew about their mission to defeat Thanos, but now that Tony was back it seemed to be the last thing on everyone’s mind. 

A knock on the door startled the soldier, causing him to lose his train of thought. He sighed, and climbed out of bed to see who was disturbing him. When he opened the door he was shocked, but not too surprised, to find Tony standing there. The other man had a plate of food with him and a water bottle. 

“Thought you might be hungry. I asked Nat to make you a quick meal, cause I assumed you didn’t want to be eating bread.” Tony began, “Also, what’s with all the bread anyways. Like I know a good portion of the universe is gone, but I’d imagine you guys have enough people on earth to still produce decent food.”

Steve shrugged, “Maybe it makes everything seem more dramatic. I tend to eat everything but the bread, Thor’s usually the one eating bread.”

“Thor would be the one to eat food in hopes of making things seem more seem dramatic.” Tony replied. 

“I agree.” Steve muttered, while glancing at the plate in Tony’s hand. 

“If you’re hungry, take it.” Tony commented, noticing Steve eying the plate. 

“Thanks, it’s been awhile since someone’s brought a meal to my room. They just stopped doing that all together after the first month of the snap.” Steve said, while taking the plate from Tony, “At one point Natasha came into my room telling me she’d be kill me if I didn’t come out of my room. Since I don’t want to get on her bad side, I decided to come join them for dinner one night.”   


“Must’ve been one hell of dinner.” Tony laughed. 

“I guess. I think they were more shocked I came out unshaven and looking like a pile of shit.” Steve paused, “Hey, I know this is out of the blue, but I’m sorry for my little outburst early, followed by a dramatic walk off.”

Tony let his eyes fall on Cap’s beard, “It’s fine, I bet it’s been tough down here, especially since you lost Barnes.”

The two looked at each other for a moment before Tony spoke again. 

“Let’s drop it though,” He started,  “Because I have some questions. One being, when did you start growing the beard?” 

“After Germany. Bucky went back under the ice in Wakanda, so they could clear his mind of everything. I ended up getting all depressed, so I just started growing it. 

Then when Buck came out of cryo he seemed to  _ really  _ like it, said it made me look like a zaddy, whatever that means. So I decided to keep it for his sake.” 

“You saying you don’t like it Cap?” Tony asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

Steve shook his head, “No, I enjoy having a beard, it was a good change. The issue is it’s gotten a little control in the past five years, especially without having Bucky around.” 

“Well, beard or not. I want you to know I forgive you and Barnes.” With that Tony placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze, before leaving the room. 

Steve stood there for a minute, before making his way towards his bed. There he sat down, placing his plate next to him, before unscrewing the cap to the water bottle Tony had given him. He brought the bottle to his lips and took a long sip, before screwing the cap back on and placing it down on his bed. With that the man grabbed the plate sitting next to him on the bed, and began to slowly pick at his food. It seemed whoever made dinner that night decided they should get rid of the carbs in the house, especially since half his plate contained brown rice. 

“Guess it won’t hurt to eat this shit now.” Steve whispered to himself, before taking a bite of the mushy, brown grains. After swallowing, he gagged at how bland and moist the rice had tasted. 

Steve groaned, before standing from his spot on the bed, still holding the plate. From there he crossed his room and placed the food on his desk, before walking back to his bed and lying down fast first. The soldier sat in silence for a bit, before letting out a choked sob. 

Steve Rogers had a feeling the next few days were about to make the top five list of some of his hardest days. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, don't forget to leave a comment and kudos.


	8. Just an update

So, I saw Endgame on the 25th and I was going to write the next chapter when I got home but

1) I was really heart broken.

2) I really don't know how I'm going to continue writing this fanfic knowing the entire plot to the movie.

3) I want to continue but I'm also really angry.

 

My plan is to go on hiatus with this fanfic for a bit (possibly two or three weeks) and write a high school AU or something, so then I can collect my thoughts about how I felt. 

I want you guys to know I'll also be putting Endgame spoilers into the fanfic, but I'm going to wait a month till I do so, and it'll be in later chapters too. So don't worry, that won't be happening anytime soon. 

I'm really sorry for doing this, but if you've seen endgame you'd understand why. I'll still continue to write fanfics, but it'll be a bit before I continue this one. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry the first chapter is so rough, it'll get better. Please feel free to leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed the first chapter.


End file.
